Mixed

I have such mixed feelings lately I am so thankful and happy for my husband and my wedding and everything that led up to our perfect wedding and reception.  But losing Mike so quickly after that perfect night just made me so confused and sad.  And to think I had to go though all of that without my family made it all the harder.  The truth is I am so angry with them I sometimes forget to be happy or sad.  I guess I really don't know what to think or say at this point.  I am so ridiculously happy with my husband and our future that part of me just wants to not care what happens with them because we have made it this far without them and I have never been this happy but part of me wants them to be part of my life so badly.  Then again I dont want to feel like I am forcing them to want to be here either. It is such a mixed bag of feelings :(
I have a really hard time being happy about my wedding as well knowing that my husband and I both lost a very dear friend on what was the happiest night of our lives is so hard to wrap your head around.
I have ONLY good memories with Michael, he was quiet and shy when I met him but he always told the truth and was always like a brother to me and had something that would make me laugh.